Tag Archives: Personal Development

Life in The Land of Shoulda Coulda Woulda 6

Personal Development • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

images (23) Perception is reality and reality is what ever you perceive it to be. The things you do most often becomes you. If you believe you aren’t worthy then you will continue to hold yourself back. If you believe you aren’t deserving of the all the good things that may come your way, then you’ll continue to put yourself down. We know that behaviors can be managed and improved upon, and results are simply the cause and effect of your behavior. Your level of self-esteem is in direct proportion to your internal dialogue – the things that you tell yourself and what you think of yourself.  We all feel insecure and unsure of ourselves at times. We all have bouts of self-doubt – especially if we are attempting to do something we’ve never done before. No one wants to look silly in front their peers or make a mistake. Most humans would rather walk backwards into the future than turn around and face new challenges head-on. What would be worse? Taking on new challenges and discovering what you are capable of or letting your low self-esteem banish you to live your life in the land of shoulda coulda woulda forever.

Worth Remembering – “Lack of confidence in oneself is not the result of difficulty. The difficulty comes from the lack of confidence in oneself.” – Cicero

There are a number of great books on how to develop your self-esteem. One of my favorites is Nathaniel Branden’s book  “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”. Dr. Branden has done more than any other theorist to advocate the importance of self-esteem to your well-being. He believes the value of self-esteem lies not merely in the fact that it allows us to feel better about ourselves, but that it also allows us to live better – to respond to challenges and opportunities more resourcefully and more appropriately. If you have a poor opinion of yourself, and remember an opinion is rarely based on fact, then that poor opinion of yourself translates into a lack of confidence – which causes us to think negative thoughts. Negative thoughts in turn causes us to hold back and give up easily rather than face tough challenges. Self-doubt is a deal breaker in so many ways.

Worth Remembering … “If one advances confidently in the direction of their dreams and endeavors to live the life they have imagined, they will meet a success unexpected in common hours.” – Henry David Thoreau

Read over the list below and decide where you want to start. Remember – You are the boss of you. No one has the power to take your self-esteem away without your permission. You must believe in your heart of hearts that you are worthy – because the truth of the matter is – you are.

  • Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique. There is no one else who is exactly like you. Different is just different and different is OK.  
  • Stop putting yourself down with negative thoughts. You are good enough. You have all the tools you need – you just need to get out of your own way.
  • Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. The truth is not everyone wants you to be successful and leave them behind. But do it anyway.
  • Get involved in the work and activities that inspire you. If you knew you couldn’t fail – what would you rather be doing? Go and do that.
  • Give more of yourself to those around you. Volunteer, become a Big Sister or Big Brother. Pay it forward. Help those less fortunate than you.
  • Respect your own needs. Stop putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have a right to be happy.
  • Stop trying to be perfect! You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be good enough.
  • Stop listening to the should-do’s. Stop listening to people who tell you that you should be doing this or doing that. Do what you think is right for you.

People with low self-esteem see themselves as unworthy and undeserving. They will discount any good fortune that comes their way as being a fluke. If others are nice to them – they tend to think the person must have an ulterior motive – they must want something besides my friendship. In the words of author David McRaney, you tend to fulfill the labels you accept. It’s time you start accepting all the good fortune that is coming your way. Your lease has expired. It’s time you move out of the land of shoulda coulda woulda.  🙂

Copyright (C) 2013. Brian Smith. Looking for a speaker, planning a lunch-n-learn or organizing a training session? Brian specializes in soft-skills training and leadership development. He will work with you one-on-one to insure your event is an overwhelming success. Contact Brian today – briansmithpld@gmail.com or visit http://briansmithpld.com to find out more.

Who Said Your Life Would Be Perfect?

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PerfectRepeat after me – “There is no such thing as perfect – there is no such thing as perfect – there is no such thing as perfect”. Besides, perfect is over rated anyhow. It doesn’t have to be perfect – it just has to be good enough. The most important person in your life is you. Don’t worry about trying to please anyone else. If it’s good enough for you – it’s good enough. If it’s good enough for you – then you don’t need to change a thing. However, if you aren’t living the life you envisioned for yourself, then you need to stop talking, quit complaining and do something about it. You either have to change it – or change the way you are thinking about it. You are responsible for you. You are responsible for your own happiness. In the words of Larry Winget, “The Pit-bull of Personal Development” , your life is your own damn fault.

Worth Remembering … The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow is the `Buts`you use today.

Take out a blank piece of paper and write a description of what a perfect life would look like to you. After you have done that – what things would have to happen for you to be able to live that life? Don’t generalize, be specific. To live the prefect life I would have to: Earn X amount of money per year, move to a  warmer climate, get married and have two children. What ever would have to happen for you to live your perfect life, take a moment and write it down. Now I know the list looks daunting, and you might be thinking that there is no way you can accomplish all of that. But trust me, you would be wrong. You would be selling yourself way to  short. If it’s worth dreaming about it – then it’s worth doing something about it. Wishing and hoping won`t make it so. Life – your life – is a planned event. So get busy! Put a plan together and start working that plan.

Worth Remembering … Once the what has been decided – the how will surely follow.  

I know I’m making it sound pretty simple. But, it really is about writing down your goals and then accomplishing them, one goal at a time. Remember.  a journey of a 1000 miles starts with the first step. You took the first step when you wrote down what your perfect life would look like. You took the first step when you listed all the things that would have to happen for you to live your perfect life. You took the first step when you wrote out your plan. Now it’s time for you to take the next step and start to work your plan. Remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect – it just has to be good enough. 🙂

Copyright (c) 2013. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Brian is available for speaking engagements, lunch-n-learns and seminars. Contact Brian today. He will work with you to insure your event is an overwhelming success. Email: briansmithpld@gmail.com. To find out more visit http://briansmithpld.com

 

Without a Rudder Any Direction Will Do

Personal Development • Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

images (6)It doesn’t matter how much wind you have in your sails, without a rudder, you stand little chance of ending up where you wanted to go. Life is a planned event – wishing and hoping won’t make it so. Hedge your bet for success and make a list of what needs to happen for you to accomplish your goals. We have a tendency sometimes to do what we like to do first – not what needs to be done, so prioritize the items on your list and the expected date of completion for each one to help keep you on course.

Don’t let yourself get discouraged or side tracked, keep your eye on the “prize” and remember why you are doing what you are doing. Think of all the good things that will come your way. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed with the number of things you need to do before you arrive at your destination. Be patient, take one step at a time, accomplish one thing at a time and you will eventually realize your dream.

Be Confident: Be confident in your own ability to accomplish what ever you set out to do. Be confident that no matter what roadblocks you come across you will find a way around them or over them.

Be Competent: Know what you know but, more importantly, know what you don’t know. You aren’t born knowing all you need to know. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Asking for help is a sign of strength. No one ever accomplished great things alone.

Use Common Sense: The only thing common about common sense is that it’s not very common. Common sense should be called life sense. It just seems to me that the older we get – the smarter we get. Learn from your mistakes. And trust me, you’re going to make mistakes. Look at mistakes as your opportunity to grow, as your opportunity to try again but this time  more aware of what not to do. Remember that failing and falling down is not the issue. Not getting back up and trying again is.

So adjust your sails, take a look at your map and keep your rudder pointed in the direction of your goals. And most importantly, enjoy the journey. I wish you good sailing. 🙂

Copyright (c) 2013. Brian Smith-PLD. Looking for a speaker, planning a lunch-n-learn or training session? Visit http://briansmithpld.com. Let’s talk.

How Are You Holding Up So Far? 6

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images (9) We are at the mid-way point of 2013 so how are you holding up so far? Is your game plan for 2013 coming together? Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel or have you already given up on your new year resolutions? If you’re like most people you may still be searching for the motivation to begin. Not to worry – you still have six months to go.  Anytime is a good time to start a new beginning – so why not start now. It’s not necessarily how you begin the race – it’s how you finish. The person who gets hot at the right time usually ends up winning the cup. Most races are won and lost in the final laps.

If you are up to trying a different approach you might consider what I did this year. I got the idea from Susan Murphy (suzemuse) who I think got the idea from Chris Brogan. Instead of taking the traditional route they suggested that you pick 3 action words to help you stay on point. With nothing to lose and much to gain I picked Ask, Health and Networking. I decided that everything I set out to accomplish  in 2013 had to be a reflection of those 3 action words or I wasn’t going to do it. I gotta tell you – it works. It helped me prioritize what’s important to me, either in the short or long-term. It helped me stay focused on what matters most. By concentrating my efforts around these 3 action words I’ve ended up accomplishing more.

ASK: I was never big on marketing or self-promoting. I use to sit back and wait to be asked – not now – I ask for what I want. Like the saying goes, if you don’t ask – you won’t get. I have sent out double the proposals to speak at events or deliver seminars then I did in the past and at the half-way point I’m already ahead of last years numbers in confirmed engagements. All indications are that this is going to be an outstanding year.

HEALTH: I am making healthier food choices on my weekly shopping trips. I rarely ate breakfast or lunch – settling on eating when I got home at the end of day. Not now – since January I haven’t missed eating a simple breakfast (usually oatmeal with dried cranberries sprinkled on top) and a sandwich or soup for lunch. I now schedule quiet “me” time to de-stress after a busy week. I’ve taken up baking on the weekends. (Nothing over the top mind you – oatmeal cookies and banana bread – that my son and grandchild Chloe seem to enjoy) I plan on playing more golf this summer and start exercising for at least 15 minutes a day.

NETWORK: I’m volunteering more now. I haven’t said no to any event that I’ve been asked to attend or be part of. I’m reaching out to non-profits and offering my services for free. I was never big on rubbing shoulders at networking events. I’m happy to report I attended my first ever  and survived to tell about it. And I was the Master of Ceremonies at a Fashion Showcase. (A first for me) My Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook “likes” continue to grow – helping me reach a wider audience for my blog posts and books. If someone is kind enough to reach out to me – I reciprocate – expanding my circle of influence.

So I’ve told you how I’m doing – what about you? If you had to score yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being totally satisfied with your progress to date) what score would you give yourself? If you don’t think you warrant a passing grade then it’s time to get re-energized and get back in the game. It’s time to re-invest  in your own future. Remember – It’s not how you start the race – it’s how well you finish. 🙂

Copyright (C) 2013. Brian Smith. Not to be reproduced without permission. Are you looking for a keynote speaker, planning a lunch-n-learn or organizing a seminar? Brian specializes in soft-skills training and leadership development. Visit http://briansmithpld.com to discover what he can do for you and your organization.