Einstein’s definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a difference result. You have to change the input to change the output. You’ve got to develop new habits. A good habit is a good result – plain and simple. (Of course the opposite is also true – bad habits produce bad results) We are adults and we can develop new habits. All we have to do is stop doing one thing and start doing another – and if we do it often enough – it will become us. Behaviorist’s suggest that if you do something twenty-one times in a row – you’ll have developed a new habit. I think for the most part that we are born with a blank slate. And that we learn to behave a certain way to get a certain result. Now if that’s true – then the way we act is a learned behavior. And if you agree that it’s a learned behavior – then that means we can unlearn it and replace it with something else.
Think it …
I’m not going to get too deep here – but your internal dialogue (What you say to yourself) has everything to do with how you react and act externally. If you feel sad – you’ll look sad. If you feel happy – you’ll look happy. Attitude – Your attitude is everything! You are whoever you think you are – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you can or can’t – you’re absolutely right. If you think you can’t – then you are beat before you start. David knew he could defeat Goliath. He had faith in his own ability to pull it off. You need to believe in yourself. You need to believe that you are capable of doing whatever you set out to do. You need to believe that you can have the life you want.
Act it …
You need to start acting in a way that is going to get you what you want. What new habits do you have develop to get the kinds of results you need? What do you have to stop doing and start doing to accomplish what you set out to do? Do you need to learn how to communicate and interact more effectively – manage your time – cope with stress – solve problems, deal with difficult people and challenging situations or expand your circle of influence? If you are going to change the habit to change the result then you need to decide what new habit you need to develop. Once you’ve decided what you need to learn – then all you need to do is start doing it. It’s never easy to change – but you can change if you truly believe that you need to – that you need to change in order to have the life you want.
You’ll eventually become it …
Practice, practice, practice. Be patient – it takes time. But, the more you do it – the better you’ll get at it – and the better you get at it – the more you’ll do it without thinking about it. It will become ingrained in you – it will become part of you. Everything we choose to do alters our brain and it fundamentally changes who we are. Dr. Richard Restak, neuropsychiatrist and clinical professor of neurology at George Washington University believes it’s a process that continues until we die. The human brain has the ability to reprogram itself. All of the new research on the brain suggests that no matter how old you are, it’s never too late to change your brain for the better. Your brain doesn’t break down over time. The brain has a lifetime capacity for learning new things.
You can have the life you want …
You don’t have to settle. You can have the life you want – the life you imagined for yourself. If you are mentally and physically capable of doing and becoming who you really want to be – then the only thing standing in your way is you. All you have to do is learn how to get out of your own way. Stop doing one thing – and start doing another – and if you do it often enough – it will become you. Remember – You may have developed a certain way of behaving at a very young age but it doesn’t have to dictate where you end up or who you become. – Cheers. 🙂
* (C) Copyright 2012 – Brian Smith. Think it, Act it, You’ll Eventually Become it – You Can Have The Life You Want – is the title of my soon to be published self-help / personal development book. Stay tuned
Rarely can you accomplish all that you set out to do without the help of someone else. You don’t have to like the people you work with but you do need to learn how to get along with them. “Soft-Skills” or emotional intelligence as Daniel Goleman likes to refer them too – is a learned behavior.
Worth Remembering …
“A common core of personal and social abilities has proven to be the key ingredient in people’s success, emotional intelligence” – Daniel Goleman
Understanding yourself well and studying the behaviors of others allows you to improve your performance in relationships, both at work and at home. Your technical ability no longer guarantees success. Results of a study conducted by the HayGroup – a leading authority on emotional intelligence, shows that for most jobs that involve working with people, EQ (Emotional intelligence) is twice as important as IQ. Sixty-seven per cent of the competencies needed to manage or lead people effectively are emotionally based. (Often referred to as soft-skills – our ability to communicate and interact effectively with others)
Worth Remembering …
“In organizations where people trust and believe in each other, they don’t get into regulating and coercing behaviors. They don’t need a policy for every mistake … people in these trusting environments respond with enormous commitments and creativity” – Walter Wriston
Establishing a relationship built on mutual respect and trust is a process all humans have to go through when they meet someone for the very first time. We take direction from and hang out with people we like. Trust and respect do not come automatically – you must earn both – one person at a time. You must learn how to get along with people even if you don’t like them. Success is a team sport. Just like it takes a village to raise a child – it takes a team to manage and lead an organization. Think of someone you are having difficulty with – for what ever reason you two aren’t getting along. (This could be someone at work or at home) I want you to take on this challenge and turn that situation around. I want you to apply a 3-step process known as the 3R’s – I promise you’ll be amazed at how effective it is in establishing those all important relationships.
Step One: Rapport: Find out something about the other person other than the work they do. What are their hobbies? – Are they married? – Do they have children? – What do they like to do in their spare time? The easiest way to establish rapport with someone is to get them talking about themselves. Ask questions – get interested in them and then they will be interested in you.
Step Two: Relationship: You can’t have a relationship with anyone that you haven’t first established a rapport with. The more that you can carrying on a conversation with them on subjects that they are interested in – the more likely you are building a relationship with them. You are beginning to break down the barriers between you and the other person. You are starting to like each other.
Step Three: Respect: You won’t respect anyone that you haven’t developed a relationship with first. Respect is reciprocal. You have to give it to get it. The more that you treat someone the way you’d like to be treated the more likely it is that they will respond in kind. You get back – what you send out.
After respect comes trust. You never trust anyone you don’t respect first. If you have established mutual respect in your relationship with the other person, then they will trust you. They may not always agree with you – but they will respect the fact that you have an opinion and you have a right to express it. So go out and give it a try – You’ve got nothing to lose – but a whole lot to gain. – Hey remember – You can trust me 🙂
Every successful business has one. It defines who they are, what they are all about and how they expect everyone who works for the organization to conduct themselves. Their mission statement gives them a sense of purpose – a beacon that keeps them on course. Successful businesses never waver from it, not even for a moment. Every decision they make must be a reflection of it or they won’t do it. They must be true to it no matter what because to deviate from it would send out the wrong message. Successful businesses create it by putting a great deal of thought into it to ensure that it will stand up to any test. That it is a true reflection of what they believe is their reason for being. I’m talking about an organization’s mission statement. A declaration to their staff, clients and potential customers what they can expect if and when they choose to do business with them.
“Once you know the “Why” – the “How” will become clear”
You are in charge of “You” Inc. You are the President, CEO and Chairperson of you. What is your mission statement? Why are you here? What are you wanting to accomplish? Are you being true to you and what you’ve set out to be? Or are you veering off the course you set for yourself and need to make an adjustment to get back on track? Remember – It’s never too late to start a new beginning. It’s never to late to adjust your sails and steer your rutter in the right direction. One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. To be the person you wanted to be. Take a moment to reflect, recharge and rededicate yourself to completing your “Mission” in life. To living a purposeful life – a life a purpose.
“It is only when a person has their own generator that we can talk about motivation. He then needs no outside stimulation. He wants to do it” – Frederick Herzberg
Ask yourself – What do you want? What are you looking to accomplish? And what are you prepared to do to make it happen? The words coulda – shoulda – woulda – must not be part of your vocabulary. You are what you consistently do. Do those things that will help you fulfill your mission in life. Do those things that will help you live a purposeful life – the life that you envisioned for yourself. The more that you do them – the more they will become you. And I promise you – you will be better for it and so will the people around you. Cheers, 🙂
The “Secret” is a load of crap – not my words – but I get Larry Winget’s point. Just because you think about success doesn’t mean you will be successful. Success in any undertaking is hard work. Which is why most people aren’t as successful as they could be because they aren’t willing to put in the effort. Success is a planned event. If you aren’t willing to put in the time than don’t waste your time. Wishing and hoping won’t make it so. Success and being successful is a planned event.
“A good goal is like a strenuous exercise … it makes you stretch” – Mary Kay Ash
Dreams are goals with timelines. Here are some basic guidelines on setting goals. Remember to always start with the end in mind and walk your plan backwards to the here-and-now. Think of the plan as setting a SMART target.
S – Specific: Write down what you want to achieve. Don’t generalize. As Dr. Phil would say – “You’ve got to name it to claim it”. If you want to lose weight – how much weight? If you want to save money – how much money?
M – Measurable: You’ve got to be able to measure your progress. Break your target down into bite size pieces. What results do you expect to see in a week, month or in a 3-month period? If you don’t measure your progress you’ll never know if your plan is going to get the desired results. Anyone can eat an elephant – one bite at a time.
A – Attainable: Don’t set yourself up for failure. Don’t commit to completing a task in 20 minutes if you think it might take 40. Keep in mind that it’s not a sprint – it’s a marathon – be patient.
R – Realistic: To lose 20 pounds in a week might not be healthy or realistic. To lose one pound in a week may be more in line. The task must be do-able. If you think you can – or can’t accomplish the task – you’re right. You need to become your biggest cheer leader. (The little train that could)
T – Time-based: An expected date of completion is a great motivator. It helps us to create a sense of urgency. It gives us a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Keep in mind that there may be some unexpected road blocks along the way and you may have to adjust your time-line to account for those delays and detours.
Be sure to commit your plan to writing. It will give you something to refer back if you find yourself getting sidetracked or lose sight of why you are doing it in the first place. By putting it in writing you’ve given your plan the same status that you’d give any contractual agreement. Think of your written plan as a contract you’ve made with yourself.
“Planning is as natural to the process of success as its absence is to the process of failure.” – Robin Sieger
The “Secret” is – there is no secret. Nothing worthwhile achieving comes by chance. Have a plan and work your plan. Set a SMART target. – Cheers, 🙂