Category Archives: Dealing with Difficult People

How To Work With Your Boss And Live To Talk About It

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Dealing with Difficult People, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Management Training, Mentorship, Personal Development, Personality Types, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized

Working with and being managed or supervised by someone with a different way of communicating and interacting with others can be challenging. You need to keep one thing in mind – you aren’t going to change them. The key is to work with them the way they like. How do they want to communicate and receive information? How do they prefer to interact with others? How do they like to be managed? I believe we develop our way of communicating and interacting with others at a very young age which heavily influences how we manage ourselves and others.

Worth Remembering – “When you change the way you look at things. The things you look at change.”

Understanding yourself and the behaviour of others, especially your boss, will give you valuable insights into adapting your behaviour to be more in tune with theirs. I use a behavioural assessment tool developed by Dr. William Marston called DISC. It identifies the four distinct styles of behaviour, how each type prefers to communicate and interact with others, and how they manage others and like to be managed.

Here are a few tips to help you work with your boss and live to talk about it.

D – Dominate personalities are direct, results-orientated and uncompromising.

  • They prefer bullet points. Don’t ramble on – keep it short and get to the point.
  • Be prepared and organized. Don’t waste their time.
  • They aren’t big on small talk., so don’t try to build a personal relationship.

I – Interactive personalities are collaborative, enthusiastic and talkative.

  • Help them get organized and put details in writing.
  • Provide ideas for implementing their action plans.
  • Allow time in their schedule for relaxing and socializing – relationships are important to them.

S – Steadiness personalities value teamwork and a quiet, calm environment.

  • Don’t interrupt them when they are speaking.
  • Show sincere interest in them.
  • Ask specific questions to draw out their goals and objections.

C – Conscientious personalities are detail-orientated and meticulous.

  • Approach them in a straightforward, direct way.
  • Don’t force a quick decision. Be clear about deadlines and expectations.
  • Provide information backed by data, facts and reliable sources.

Remember – you will not change your boss, but you can learn to work with them and live to talk about it.

Copyright (c) 2023. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. If you want to learn about DISC and how it can help you communicate and interact more effectively with others, please contact me – at brian@briansmithpld.com – Visit my website and download a Free DISC Ebook – “Understanding Behaviour and How It Impacts Performance.” – my gift to you in celebration of #internationlwomensday2023 – https://briansmithpld.com/free-download/

How To Get Along With People Even If You Don’t Like Them

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Dealing with Difficult People, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Management Training, Mentorship, Personal Development, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, small business owner, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized

Rarely can you accomplish all that you set out to do without help from someone else. You don’t have to like the people you work with, but you must learn how to get along with them. Daniel Goleman believes that soft skills – often called emotional intelligence – are a common core of personal and social abilities that have proven critical to people’s success.

Worth Remembering – “One of the most important things about being a good manager is to rule with a heart. You have to know the business, but you also have to know what is at the heart of the business, and that’s people.” – Oprah.

A better understanding of yourself and understanding others’ behaviours allows you to improve your performance in relationships at home and work. Your technical abilities alone no longer guarantee success in working with others. Results of a study conducted by the HayGroup, a leading authority on emotional intelligence, show that EQ (emotional intelligence) is twice as important for most jobs involving working with people than IQ. You don’t have to be the most intelligent person in the room to be the most effective. Sixty-seven percent of the competencies needed to work with others are emotionally based. You can learn to be more empathetic, open-minded, and flexible and communicate and interact more effectively with others.

Worth Remembering – “In organizations where people trust and believe in each other, they don’t get into regulating and coercing behaviours. They don’t need a policy for every mistake. People in trusting environments respond with enormous commitment and creativity.’ – Walter Wriston.

Establishing a relationship based on mutual respect and trust is a learned behaviour. It is a process that all humans go through when meeting someone for the very first time. We take direction and like to hang out with people we like. Trust and respect don’t come automatically. You must earn it one person at a time. You must learn to get along with people even if you don’t like them. Working with others is a team sport. Just like it takes a village to raise a child – it takes a team to manage and lead an organization.

Take the 3-R Challenge and learn how to get along with people even if you don’t like them.

Think of someone you are having difficulty working with. For whatever reason, you two are not getting along. It can be someone at work or in your social circles. Please take on this Challenge and turn that situation around. I want you to apply a 3-step process known as the 3-Rs. (Rapport, Relationship, Respect) I promise you will be amazed at how effective it is to establish those all-important relationships.

Step One: Establish Rapport. Find out something about them other than the work they do. Do they have hobbies? Are they married? Do they have children? What do they like to do in their spare time? The easiest way to establish rapport is to get them talking about themselves. Ask questions, and show interest in them. If you show interest in them – they will be interested in you.

Step Two: Develop a Relationship. You cannot develop a relationship with anyone unless you have established rapport first. The more you converse with them on subjects they are interested in – the more likely you are to develop a relationship with them. You are beginning to break down the barriers between you and them. You are starting to like each other or at least tolerate each other.

Step Three: Mutual Respect. You will not respect anyone until you first develop a relationship with them. Respect is reciprocal, but you have to give it before you get it back. The more you treat someone how you want to be treated, the more likely they will respond in kind. You get back what you send out.

Build Trust; You will never build trust with anyone you don’t respect first. If you establish mutual respect in your relationships with the other person, they will trust you. They may not always agree with you, and you may not always agree with them, but they will respect that you have a right to express your opinion.

Take the 3-R Challenge.

Take the 3-R Challenge and establish those all-important relationships. Contact me at – brian@briansmithpld.com and let me know how you made out. I am here to help you succeed. Remember – You don’t have to like them, but you do need to learn how to get along with them.

Copyright (c) 2023. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. Not to be reproduced without permission. Are you looking for a corporate training provider, a keynote speaker for your next conference or planning an in-person or virtual workshop? Contact Brian – he will customize a program for you and your organization. To learn more about Brian and what he can do for you, visit https://briansmithpld.com – All four of Brian’s published books are available on Amazon – https://amazon.com/author/brsmith.

Up Your Leadership EQ!

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Coping with Stress, Dealing with Difficult People, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Personal Development, Personality Types, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, small business owner, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized

EQ – Emotional Quotient – known as emotional intelligence or soft skills is the ability to understand, use, and manage your emotions in positive ways to reduce stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflicts. Daniel Goleman, in his groundbreaking book “Working With Emotional Intelligence,” said it best. “We are being judged by a new yardstick; not just how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also how well we handle ourselves and each other.” Sixty-seven percent of the competencies needed to manage or lead others are emotionally based. If you can’t make an emotional connection and establish a relationship with those on your team, you will be a lousy manager or leader. If you want to continue retaining and attracting talent, up your leadership EQ!

Worth Remembering … “One of the most important things about being a good manager or leader is to rule with a heart. You have to know the business, but you also have to know what’s at the heart of the business and that’s people.” – Oprah..

We may live in a hi-tech world, but your soft skills – empathy, patience, flexibility, open-mindedness and the ability to communicate and interact with others – play a more significant role in your success. For the first time in our life, we have the potential to work with four different generations at the same time. Each generation – Boomers, Gen X, Millennials and the newest Generation – Gen Zs; communicates, interacts with others, manages and likes to be managed differently. Each generation has different values, wants and needs. Each generation prefers to be managed, communicated with and led a certain way. The successful manager or leader will be the one who can adapt their management or leadership style to work with others the way they like.

Worth Remembering … “Soft skills won’t guarantee you the promotion. But not having them puts you at risk of not even getting the offer.” – Brian Smith..

Research by McClelland, Goleman, Kouzes and others tells a compelling story about the link between an organization’s success and its leaders. Emotional intelligence / soft skills are the magic ingredient that separates the mediocre from the exceptional performing companies. Senior managers or leaders with a high EQ component were 20% more profitable and had less staff turnover. How much fun are you to be around? People like to work with people they like. People want to work for an organization that makes them feel accepted and valued as essential team members. How often do you get out of your office and have a friendly conversation? How often do you sit in the lunch room, getting to know your team members for more than the job they do? If you want to continue retaining and attracting talent, up your leadership EQ!.

Copyright (c) 2022. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. Not to be reproduced without permission. To find out about Brian and what he can do for you and your organization visit: https://briansmithpld.com

To Get Buy-in – You Need to Buy In

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Dealing with Difficult People, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Mentorship, Personal Development, Personality Types, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, small business owner, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized

Daniel Goleman, in his groundbreaking book – “Working With Emotional Intelligence” said it best: “A new yardstick is judging us: not just how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle ourselves and each other”. Productivity is still the name of the game, and that will never change. Your job as a manager or business leader has always been to minimize the input and maximize the output. Right-sizing has put added pressure on management to hold the line on the expense side of the ledger while still growing the profit side. To accomplish both – managers and leaders must change from being task-focused to being people-focused.

Worth Remembering … “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing – expecting a different result.” – Einstein

You need to decide whether the management style that got you here will be the same style that will get you to where you need to be to stay in business? I’m betting that it won’t because there’s been a dramatic shift in people’s attitudes. Their wants and needs have changed. For the newest generation, Generation Z, whose leading edge is just entering the workforce, life outside of work is just as important, if not more important, to life at work. Today’s managers and business leaders need to change how they lead to keep step with those changes. It’s no longer managing as usual.

Worth Remembering … “One of the most important things about being a good manager is to rule with a heart. You have to know the business, but you also have to know what’s at the heart of business and that’s people.” – Oprah

Technical skills are essential, but you can get those out of a book. What is needed to be successful managing and leading others today is someone who understands people. Managing and leading others is about them – not about you. They need someone who possesses exceptional soft skills, the ability to communicate and interact more effectively with others. Someone who spends time getting to know them for more than just the job that they do. How do they like to be managed? How do they want to receive information? Are they visual learners or do they learn by reading a set of instructions? If you can’t or you’re not willing to change your management style to be more in tune with how they like to be managed, you will have difficulty convincing them to buy in. Different folks = different strokes. To get them to buy-in – you need to buy in.

Copyright (c) 2021. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. Not to be reproduced without permission. Find out more about Brian and what he can do for you or your organization by visiting his website. – https://briansmithpld.com