Category Archives: Self-Help

Lost in Translation

Coaching, Dealing with Difficult People, Leadership Development, Management, Mentorship, Personal Development, Planning, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher • Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Positive Feeback“You cannot love a person into creativity, although you can avoid their dissatisfaction with the way you treat them” – Frederick Herzberg. Words are powerful. The words you choose and how you say them have the power to build people up or tear them down. Drawing attention to a person’s mistakes is not going to be received well. I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t take “constructive criticism” personally. According to Collins Dictionary “construct” means to build while “criticism” means to pass judgement on someone. How can you build someone up while passing judgement on them?

You have a choice to make. You can either dwell on what they’ve done wrong or congratulate them on what they’ve done well – and what they need to do to improve. It can be as simple as replacing the word “but” with “and”. You can either dwell on the fact that they have made a mistake – or you can get past it by accepting the fact that everyone makes mistakes and move on from there. What is – is. What happened – happened. Change your mindset in a positive way by thinking about the mistakes people make as teachable moments. Use the opportunity to praise them for what they’ve done well and teach them what they need to do the next time , so they don’t keep repeating what went wrong.

Creating a teachable moment is an opportunity for both of you to grow. You’ll grow as a teacher and they’ll grow as a person by learning a new skill that will help them perform better in the future. The next time you have an opportunity to create a teachable moment use the sandwich technique. “Sandwich every bit of criticism between two layers of praise” – Mary Kay Ash. It’s a great way to keep your emotions in check and to turn the situation into a positive experience for both of you. You don’t want to change them – you just want to change what went wrong.

Step One: Start the conversation off by saying something positive about them or what they’ve done. Or how they contribute to the overall success of the team, department, organization, etc.. Remember – You are not looking to change them – you just want to change what they are doing that’s not getting the results you are looking for.

Step Two: Let them know the negative impact their actions are having and what problems they are creating. Let them know you are there to help them succeed. Ask some good open-ended questions to drill down and find out why these mistakes are happening. You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. Get their input on what needs to be done to fix it. Agree on a plan of action. You need to get buy-in so be sure to include their ideas in the plan.

Step Three: Let them know that you are looking forward to working with them. Let them know that you will be following up with them to make sure that the plan you’ve agreed on is getting the desired results. If not – you need to agree on a new plan. People do what you inspect not what you expect. Follow up, follow-up and then follow-up some more. You need to change the habit to change the result.

 Copyright (c) 2014. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Looking for a keynote speaker or planning an in-house training session? Brian specializes in soft-skills training and leadership development. Contact Brian today. He will work with you to insure your event is an overwhelming success. To find out what Brian can do for you and your organization visit http://briansmithpld.com

Managing Your Boss and Living to Tell About It 2

Leadership Development, Management, Networking, Personal Development, Personality Types, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training • Tags: , , , , , , , ,

images (36)The key to managing your boss is to manage them in a style they like. One thing you need to know for certain is you are not going to change them. They’ve been successful managing a certain way so why would they want to do it any differently? If you want to learn how to manage your boss and live to tell about it then you must change your style to be more in tune with theirs. Everyone has a natural style of behaving. A natural way of communicating and interacting with others. Everyone likes to manage and be managed a certain way. Learn to mirror their behavior.

Different strokes for different folks. I believe we are born one of four styles of behaving. (Dominate, Interactive, Steadiness and Conscientious. The theory of DISC was developed by Dr. William Marston.) Take time to discover your bosses style and then communicate and interact with them that way.

D Style: (Dominant) They walk fast, talk fast and do everything fast. Make communication brief and to the point. Don’t muddy the water by using graphs, charts and volumes of data. Respect their need for autonomy. Be prepared for blunt, demanding approaches. They lack empathy and are uncomfortable with social interaction so they see no need for idle chit-chat.

I Style: (Interactive / Interpersonal) Don’t be in a hurry. They prefer a relaxed and social environment. Let them verbalize their thoughts and feelings. They are great communicators so be prepared for someone who will attempt to persuade and influence others. Provide them with the information they’ll need to make the right decisions. They like being the center of attention.

S Style: (Steadiness) Be logical and systematic in your approach. They have a natural resistance to change. They prefer to know how things will be done ahead of time – preferably in writing. They have a difficult time identifying priorities and meeting deadlines. Teach them how to say no nicely because they usually say yes to everything. They are the ultimate team player never wanting to let anyone down.

C Style: (Conscientious) They value high standards – they strive to be perfect. Be prepared – know what you know. They have very little patience for vague generalizations. Chances are they will double-check your work so let them know what you don’t know but assure them that you’ll go and find out. Don’t make stuff up. They are all about detail. They love pie charts and graphs.

Copyright (c) 2014. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Looking for a keynote speaker or workshop facilitator? Give Brian a call. He’ll work with you to insure your event is an overwhelming success. Visit http://briansmithpld.com

Success Comes By Learning To Fail Magnificently 1

Leadership Development, Personal Development, Self-Help • Tags: , , , , , , , ,

FailingIf you are going to fail – you might as well fail magnificently. And if you aren’t failing chances are you aren’t trying hard enough. If you aren’t failing you are going through life by playing it way too safe. You are robbing yourself of your opportunity to grow. I don’t thing we start out intentionally to fail – but we shouldn’t let the fear of failing get in the way of us giving it a go. Failing is part of the learning process. It’s a way of figuring out what works – and more importantly – what doesn’t work.

“I have not failed 10,000 times – I have discovered 10,000 ways that do not work” – Thomas Edison. Imagine what life would have been like in Edison’s time if he had given up. I know for certain that if he had given up he would never have realized his full potential. Where would Micheal Jordan be today if he had given up on basketball after being cut from his high school basketball team? I’ve been knocked down so many times I’ve lost count. Getting knocked down has never been an issue for me. If I want it bad enough I will get back up – dust myself off – and press on – hopefully a little wiser and a little more informed.

How bad do you want it? Are you willing to get knocked down – look for the lessons – learn them – and then get back up and press on? The only person getting in your way – is you. Don’t let shoulda, coulda, woulda be part of your vocabulary. Don’t rob yourself of your opportunity to grow. What do you want? What has to happen for you to reach your goal? Success comes by learning to fail magnificently. Now put a game plan together and get busy. 🙂

Copyright (c) 2014. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Not to be reproduced without permission. Are you or someone you know looking for a speaker who can entertain and inform on a variety of soft-skills topics? Contact Brian today. He will work with you one-on-one to insure your event is an overwhelming success. Visit http://briansmithpld.com

The Secret to Success is Between Your Ears 1

Leadership Development, Personal Development, Planning, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training • Tags: , , , , ,

secret 3Think it, act it and eventually you’ll become it. The secret to your success is between your ears. However, just thinking about success isn’t good enough. You actually have to go out and apply yourself. That’s the difference between successful people and the not so successful people. Successful people work at it. Successful people get up off the couch and get after it. Successful people hit the ground running.

What would you rather be doing with your life then what you are doing right now? I want you to think about that for a moment. What does the ideal career look like to you? If you wanted to start your own small business, what kind of business would it be? If you want to take on a leadership position in your organization, what role would that be? Life – your life – is a planned event – wishing hoping won’t make it so. Put a plan together and then work your plan.

Good habits = good results. We are adults and we can develop new habits. What new habits will you need to develop to open your own small business? What new habits will you need to learn to get promoted? I know it’s easier said then done – but it can be done. Do you need to learn how to be more patient, open-minded or a better communicator and listener? Will you need to be better at planning and managing your time more effectively?

When you change the habit – you change the result. All you need to do is just stop doing one thing and start doing another. And once you’ve done it often enough it will become you. You will have developed a new habit. Once you’ve made up your mind what it is you want, and how to go about getting it, eventually everything will fall into place.

Copyright (c) Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Are you or someone you know looking for a keynote speaker, planning a lunch-n-learn or organizing an event? Brian can deliver an informative and entertaining presentation on a variety of soft-skills topics. Contact Brian today – He will work with you one-on-one to insure your event is a success. http://briansmithpld.com