Category Archives: Self-Help

If You Aren’t Failing You Aren’t Trying Hard Enough 1

Leadership Development, New Year's Resolutions, Personal Development, Planning, Self-Help • Tags: , , , , , ,

bulls eye 2“A good goal is like a strenuous exercise – it suppose to make you stretch” – Mary Kay. Personal growth happens just outside your comfort zone. When was the last time you tried something you’ve never done before? Are you guilty of letting your fear of failing  hold you back? Setting and achieving your goals doesn’t happen by chance – it should be a planned event. If you are mentally and physically capable of accomplishing what you set out to do – then the only thing stopping you is you. There will be roadblocks, detours, and highways under construction along the way, but if you don’t lose sight of where you want to end up, you’ll get there.

Here are some basic guidelines on goal setting and performance improvement. Remember that a good goal starts with the end in mind. Once you decide what it is you want to accomplish put a step-by-step plan together to get there.  Think of your plan as creating a SMART Target and aim for the bull’s-eye.

S – Specific: Write down what you want to accomplish. Don’t generalize. You’ve got to name it to claim it. If you want to lose weight – how much weight do you want to lose? If you want to save some money – how much money do you want to save? If you want to improve your golf game – how many strokes do you want to shave off your average score?

M – Measurable: You’ve got to be able to measure your progress. Break your goal down into bite size pieces. Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. What results do you want to see in a week, month or year? If you can’t measure it then don’t do it. Because if you can’t measure it you won’t know if you are working the right plan.

A – Attainable: Don’t set yourself up for failure. Don’t commit to completing a task in 20 minutes if you think it might take you 40? If you do that you’re beat before you start. You need to believe that the target can be reached  – that you aren’t just wasting your time.

R – Realistic: To try to lose 20 pounds in a week might not be healthy or realistic. To loose one pound a week may be more inline. It must be doable or you’ll most likely give up trying or not even bother trying at all.

T – Time-Based: An expected date of completion is a great motivator. It helps you create a sense of urgency. Don’t sell yourself short here. Add in some extra time to compensate for those roadblocks, detours, and highways under construction that you may bump into along the way.

Be sure to commit your plan to writing. It will give you something to refer back to as you monitor your progress. Give your written plan the same status that you’d give any contractual agreement. Honor your commitments and never ever give up. “Only those who fail greatly can ever achieve greatly” – Robert Kennedy. If you aren’t failing you aren’t trying hard enough.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Are you looking for a keynote speaker who can entertain and inform on a variety of soft-skills topics? Give Brian a call. He will work with you one-on-one to insure your event is an overwhelming success. To find out what Brian can do for you visit http://briansmithpld.com

Some Have to Work at It – For Others it Comes Naturally

Dealing with Difficult People, Enduring Principles, Leadership Development, Personal Development, Personality Types, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training • Tags: , , ,

grumpy ladyHave you ever met someone for the very first time and thought, “Oh, yuck – What a dink? And I don’t mean double income no kids. You didn’t know why – you just knew there was something about them that you didn’t like. But, after you spent some face time with them, and you got to know them better, did you ever change your mind? Building relationships and establishing mutual respect with the people you work with and interact with, is crucial to your overall success. (Not to mention your sanity).

You have two choices; You can either learn to get along with them – or you can dis-associate yourself from them. If it is someone you have to work with. or interact with. then you’ll have no choice but to learn how to get along with them. You don’t have to socialize with them outside of official company functions and you don’t have to go to the local watering hole after work and buy them their favorite beverage, but you will need to learn how to coexist.

If it is someone in your social circles and it won’t impact your relationship with your other friends. then just walk away.  You get to pick and chose who you want to hang around with. There aren’t any rules that say you have to like everyone.

Three Steps To Establishing Those All Important Relationships

Step One: Establish Rapport – Find out something about them that they like. Do they have a hobby? What do they like to do in their spare time? You need to be able to carry on a conversation with them on a subject that they enjoy talking about. Once you get them talking about the things they like – you’ll learn everything you need to know about them to move on to the next step.

Step Two: Develop a Relationship. You can’t develop a relationship with anyone you haven’t established rapport with first. People like to hang around and work with people they like. The more that you interact with them, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to develop a relationship with them. Be patient. This step takes time. Keep at it. Trust me – they will eventually start to open up to you.

Step Three: Build Respect – No one respects anyone that they haven’t developed a relationship with first. Some people will move through this three-step process quicker than others, but it’s a process we all need to go through. If you have navigated the three-step process successfully you will have established mutual respect. They may not agree with everything you say or do but they will agree that you have the right to say it. Respect is reciprocal. You get what you give. If you treat someone with respect. eventually you will get it in return.

Try this 3-step process the next time you have to go along with someone to get along. Some have to work at it – for others it comes naturally.  Give it a go – Let me know how it works out.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Looking for a speaker or workshop facilitator who can inform and entertain on a variety of soft-skills topics?  To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you, your people and your organization visit http://briansmithpld.com – You’ll be glad you did.

Answering The Why Not Me Question?

Personal Development, Personal Values, Personality Types, Planning, Self-Help • Tags: , , , , , ,

Let's Get Focused ImageWe have all experienced heart ache, disappointment and tasted defeat at some point in our lives. As painful as they might be, they are all part of life. They are all part of the process. If you aren’t happy with the way things have turned out so far,  you have the power within you to change it. You have a choice. You can let your past dictate your future or, you can change the here and now. You can live a deliberate life. You can live the kind of life that you envisioned for yourself. Your life is the result of the choices you’ve made. If you want to change your life – make different choices.

Worth Remembering … “The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

Where would you rather be, than where you are right now? What would you rather be doing, then what you are doing right now? What career would you rather have, then the career you have right now? I want you to take a moment and write it down on a blank piece of paper. What will you need to do to make that happen? I want you to write all those things down that need to fall into place. (Things like; I need to get a car, move to another city , go back to school, get a better paying job so I can save some money. What ever you need to do to accomplish your life’s goal, I want you to write it down)

Worth Remembering … “I am a firm believer in goal setting. Step by step. I can’t see any other way of accomplishing anything” – Michael Jordan

Congratulations! – You’ve just taken your first step. Now take each one of those things that need to happen and break them down into baby steps. Remember – “Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time”. The only difference between those that realize their full potential and those that don’t – are the ones who are willing to put in the time and effort and do the heavy lifting. If you are willing to do that, then there will be nothing that can stop you from accomplishing what you set out to do. You will fall down, you will feel like giving up, but I promise you – if you hang in there and keep working your plan, you will realize your goals. The only thing standing in your way is you. Are you ready to answer the “why not me” question? I hope so.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Are you looking for a key-note speaker or facilitator who can deliver an informative and entertaining session on a variety of soft-skills topics? Brian will work with you to insure your event is an overwhelming success. Visit http://briansmithpld.com

How Much Are You Worth?

Coping with Stress, Personal Development, Self-Help • Tags: , , , , , ,

New BeginningHow much are you worth? I posted that question on my Facebook page as a challenge to the majority of women out there who don’t put themselves at the top of their to-do list. Are you worth blocking off one day a week for “Me” time? One day a week to do what ever you want to do for “You”? One day a week to do what ever you want to do for “You” without feeling guilty? Are you disciplined enough to say “No” to family and friends who want to rob you of “Your” time? Based on the responses I got the majority agreed that they aren’t spending enough time, if any, on themselves. That needs to change.

Worth Remembering … “Be selfish with your time. learn to say no to things you do not have an interest in. You are not serving anyone when you spread yourself too thin. Your first obligation should be to yourself. You cannot be any good to for someone else unless you are first good to yourself” – Larry Winget

If I asked you to write down the three most important things in your life – what would you write down? Chances are pretty good that you did not put yourself on that list. Why not? What are you currently doing to cope with the daily stressors in your life? Many doctors estimate that 70 to 80% of the patients they see are exhibiting negative health symptoms either brought on or significantly aggravated by stress. Nine out of ten headaches are due to tension-caused muscle contractions in the neck and shoulders that radiate to the head. Stress can cause forgetfulness, indecisiveness, and an inability to concentrate. Stress is a fact of life. We all have stress in our lives, specially in today’s fast paced, ever-changing world we live in.

Worth Remembering … “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another” – William James

Stress is not always bad. Stress can be a very positive and motivating influence in our lives. A moderate amount of stress can help you to be more creative, energetic, focused and productive. If is only when stress increases beyond our ability to easily cope with it that we begin to feel the negative effects – both physical and emotional. To accomplish more with our lives and achieve a greater feeling of personal satisfaction, we must reduce or eliminate unproductive stressors when possible and improve our ability to cope with stressors we cannot eliminate. What is causing stress in your life? For those stressors you can change, the key is to develop a specific action plan for creating the change you want, then follow through with that plan. For those stressors you cannot change, the key is to change your response to those stressors. Blocking off one day a week for “Me” time is a good place to start.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Are you looking for a speaker or workshop facilitator who can deliver an informative and entertaining presentation on a variety of soft-skill topics? Give Brian a call. He will work with you one-on-one to insure your event is an overwhelming success. http://briansmithpld.com