Some Have to Work at It – For Others it Comes Naturally

grumpy ladyHave you ever met someone for the very first time and thought, “Oh, yuck – What a dink? And I don’t mean double income no kids. You didn’t know why – you just knew there was something about them that you didn’t like. But, after you spent some face time with them, and you got to know them better, did you ever change your mind? Building relationships and establishing mutual respect with the people you work with and interact with, is crucial to your overall success. (Not to mention your sanity).

You have two choices; You can either learn to get along with them – or you can dis-associate yourself from them. If it is someone you have to work with. or interact with. then you’ll have no choice but to learn how to get along with them. You don’t have to socialize with them outside of official company functions and you don’t have to go to the local watering hole after work and buy them their favorite beverage, but you will need to learn how to coexist.

If it is someone in your social circles and it won’t impact your relationship with your other friends. then just walk away.  You get to pick and chose who you want to hang around with. There aren’t any rules that say you have to like everyone.

Three Steps To Establishing Those All Important Relationships

Step One: Establish Rapport – Find out something about them that they like. Do they have a hobby? What do they like to do in their spare time? You need to be able to carry on a conversation with them on a subject that they enjoy talking about. Once you get them talking about the things they like – you’ll learn everything you need to know about them to move on to the next step.

Step Two: Develop a Relationship. You can’t develop a relationship with anyone you haven’t established rapport with first. People like to hang around and work with people they like. The more that you interact with them, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to develop a relationship with them. Be patient. This step takes time. Keep at it. Trust me – they will eventually start to open up to you.

Step Three: Build Respect – No one respects anyone that they haven’t developed a relationship with first. Some people will move through this three-step process quicker than others, but it’s a process we all need to go through. If you have navigated the three-step process successfully you will have established mutual respect. They may not agree with everything you say or do but they will agree that you have the right to say it. Respect is reciprocal. You get what you give. If you treat someone with respect. eventually you will get it in return.

Try this 3-step process the next time you have to go along with someone to get along. Some have to work at it – for others it comes naturally.  Give it a go – Let me know how it works out.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Looking for a speaker or workshop facilitator who can inform and entertain on a variety of soft-skills topics?  To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you, your people and your organization visit http://briansmithpld.com – You’ll be glad you did.

Answering The Why Not Me Question?

Let's Get Focused ImageWe have all experienced heart ache, disappointment and tasted defeat at some point in our lives. As painful as they might be, they are all part of life. They are all part of the process. If you aren’t happy with the way things have turned out so far,  you have the power within you to change it. You have a choice. You can let your past dictate your future or, you can change the here and now. You can live a deliberate life. You can live the kind of life that you envisioned for yourself. Your life is the result of the choices you’ve made. If you want to change your life – make different choices.

Worth Remembering … “The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

Where would you rather be, than where you are right now? What would you rather be doing, then what you are doing right now? What career would you rather have, then the career you have right now? I want you to take a moment and write it down on a blank piece of paper. What will you need to do to make that happen? I want you to write all those things down that need to fall into place. (Things like; I need to get a car, move to another city , go back to school, get a better paying job so I can save some money. What ever you need to do to accomplish your life’s goal, I want you to write it down)

Worth Remembering … “I am a firm believer in goal setting. Step by step. I can’t see any other way of accomplishing anything” – Michael Jordan

Congratulations! – You’ve just taken your first step. Now take each one of those things that need to happen and break them down into baby steps. Remember – “Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time”. The only difference between those that realize their full potential and those that don’t – are the ones who are willing to put in the time and effort and do the heavy lifting. If you are willing to do that, then there will be nothing that can stop you from accomplishing what you set out to do. You will fall down, you will feel like giving up, but I promise you – if you hang in there and keep working your plan, you will realize your goals. The only thing standing in your way is you. Are you ready to answer the “why not me” question? I hope so.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Are you looking for a key-note speaker or facilitator who can deliver an informative and entertaining session on a variety of soft-skills topics? Brian will work with you to insure your event is an overwhelming success. Visit http://briansmithpld.com

What I Have Come to Know so Far – Part II

I am just 4 months away from the 65th birthday. (I know it’s hard to believe – but it’s true :-)) As I reach yet another milestone in my life I thought it would be a good time to take stock of what I have come to know so far. This is my second installment.  They appear here in no particular order.

I have come to know:

  • You don’t manage time – you manage your life so you have the time to do what is important to you.
  • 90% of playing good golf takes place between your ears.
  • Your attitude is 100% in your control. Only you get to decide how you want to react.
  • Assume nothing
  • Cats are somewhat manageable
  • Kindness is reciprocal. If you are kind to someone they will most likely be kind to you in return
  • If it looks like a rose, and smells like a rose, you can bet almost for certain that it is a rose
  • Become a student of human behavior. People will reveal their true self
  • If you can’t communicate effectively you can’t manage or lead others.
  • I love french fries with mayo (Hellman’s of course)
  • A great hamburger is hard to beat (Pizza is a close second)
  • Life is a planned event. Wishing and hoping won’t make it so. Have a plan and work your plan
  • All work and no play does make Brian a dull boy.
  • Stress is manageable. You can develop good coping skills
  • Spandex is not a god given right. Some people should resist the urge to wear them
  • 60 is not the new 40. 60 is 60. I can’t do some of the physical stuff that I could do when I was 40.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Looking for a keynote speaker or workshop facilitator on a variety of soft-skills topics? Brian will work with you to insure your event is an overwhelming success. Call today. Visit http://briansmithpld.com or email Brian at – brian@briansmithpld.com

Hello Dad – It’s Me

137r2v8t0hcp5mae.D.0.Happy-Father--s-Day-QuotesMy Dad passed away in November of 2012. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. I still haven’t deleted him from my Skype contact list. (We Skyped each other on Sunday afternoons). I’m reminded every Fathers Day of how much I’ve lost, but also how much I gained. I have my memories to comfort me. I’m glad I was able to kiss him on the forehead and tell him how much I loved him as I left his hospital room. The last words I heard him say was that he loved me too. If your father is still alive don’t miss the opportunity to let him know how much he means to you.

The truth is we don’t get to pick our Dad. I lucked out. I got a Dad who loved me unconditionally no matter how many times I screwed up – no matter how many times I might have disappointed him. I know I could always count on him to be my soft place to fall. I could call on him for advice – to give me guidance – to be a strong disciplinarian when I needed it, but also loving and caring and empathetic when the situation warranted it. I knew he’d always be in my corner.

Fatherhood doesn’t come with an instruction manual. You learn in bits and pieces as you go along. Experience is a great teacher. You learn what to do – but more importantly – you learn what not to do. I’m thankful my Dad was around to teach me how to be a father. I didn’t learn all of the lessons as well as I could have – or should have – but I did the best I could. Hindsight is always 20-20. Did I make mistakes? – Absolutely. Did I learn from them? – You bet. My son is proof positive that things worked out in a good way. He’s a great Dad to his daughter. The legacy passed down from my Dad to me and from me to my son will live on. Thanks Dad. Thank you for everything. I know you are still there looking over me – guiding me – and pointing the way. I love you. Happy Fathers Day.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Not to be reproduced without permission.