Category Archives: Coaching

How to Build a Relationship With Just About Anyone

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Customer Service, Dealing with Difficult People, Leadership Development, Management, Networking, Personal Development, Personal Values, Personality Types, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Conflict Resolution 2Practice the 3 R’s – to establish trust and build relationships with the people you work with and interact with. Have you ever met someone for the very first time and thought, “Yuck – what a dink?”. (I don’t mean Double Income No Kids). There is just something about them that you don’t like. For what ever reason they rub you the wrong way. The truth of the matter is sometimes you have to work with – or interact with – people you don’t like. Even if you don’t like them – you still need to find a way to work with them. I have a solution for you. Think of someone who you work with that for what ever reason, you are having difficulty getting along with them. I want you to try this little experiment and see if it helps repair that relationship or a least make it bearable. I call it the 3 Rs to building relationships and establishing mutual trust with just about everyone and anyone.

Rapport: Start a conversation and find out something about them that you can talk about. What are their hobbies? Do they have children, play sports or read books? What do they love to do in their spare time? You can’t build a relationship with anyone that you haven’t established a rapport with first. Get them talking about themselves or what they love to do, and you are on your way to the next step. You are on your way to likeability.

Relationship: People like to hang around with, and interact with people they like. The more conversations you can have with that person or persons, the more likely it is that you are breaking down those barriers and are becoming more likable. Soft-skills – the ability to communicate and interact more effectively with others is a necessary skill in building relationships. Building a relationship is key to getting along with people – even the ones you don’t like.

Respect:  You don’t respect anyone you haven’t built a relationship with first. Out of a relationship comes mutual respect. You might not agree with everything they have said or done – but because you have built a relationship with them, you will respect the fact that they have a right to their own opinion and a right to live their lives as they see fit. We tend to agree to disagree with people we respect.

If you have navigated the three-step process successfully you will be able to establish trust in your relationship with the people you work with and interact with. You never trust anyone you don’t respect first. As friends, parents, managers, leaders, and coaches sometimes you need people to take a leap of faith. Sometimes you don’t have all the answers and need them to trust you. If you have established mutual respect in your relationships, then they will trust you. They will take that leap of faith knowing that you would never set them up for failure. They’ll know you have their best interest in mind.

Copyright (c) 2017. Not to be reproduced without permission. To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you and your organization visit https://briansmithpld.com

Delegation 101: Assume Nothing

Coaching, Leadership Development, Management, Mentorship, Personal Development, Self-Help, Teacher • Tags: , , , , , ,

DelegationRule number one when working with others is to assume nothing because it may make an ass out of u and me. But mostly me because I took you at your word, that you understood what needed to be done and how I wanted you to go about doing it. People aren’t born knowing what they need to know. Always keep in mind that if you haven’t taught someone the way you want it done – don’t assume they will know how.

Worth Remembering … In the digital age you need to make knowledge workers out of every employee possible. – Bill Gates 

You may not be able to delegate all the tasks that you do, but you should be able to delegate most of them. I know you can come up with a 1001 excuses why you shouldn’t delegate, but think of it this way. If you don’t delegate some of your tasks you are robbing someone of their opportunity to grow. Do you hire stupid people or do they just get stupid after working for you? Your role as a manager or business leader is to teach others what you know. Your role is not to create followers but to create other leaders. And you can’t do that if you aren’t delegating some of your tasks.

Worth Remembering ... You establish some objectives for them, provide some incentive, and try not to direct the detailed way in which they do their work. – David Packard

Here are 8 easy steps to delegating more effectively:

1 – Decide what you want to delegate: You need to be very clear on what task they are going to do and make sure you give them all the tools they’ll need to be able to perform that task.

2 – Decide who you are going to delegate to: Who is capable, and more importantly, who is willing to take on more responsibility?

3 – Create a “Teachable Moment”: Demonstrate the task – then have them perform the task while you observe – and once you think they can do the task satisfactorily – have them do it one more time for good measure.

4 – Ask questions to ensure that learning has taken place: You need to ask some good open-ended and closed questions to make sure they know what needs to be done. Be sure to give them the opportunity to ask questions too.

5 – Monitor their performance: Follow-up, follow-up, follow-up. Make it a point to check-in on the person shortly after leaving them on their own, just to make sure they are performing the task satisfactorily.

6 – Keep the lines of communication open: Let them know you are there to help – if and when – they want it. Resist the urge to micro-manage.

7 – Hold the person accountable for the results: Standards, like quality, are not open for debate. You must hold people accountable for the results and not accept anything that doesn’t meet your standard. If they think they can get away with less than satisfactory work – then they will.

8 – Praise performance: Recognize what has been accomplished and be quick to offer praise for a job done well.

It’s important that you show trust and confidence in your people. The best way to do that is to get out of their way and let them do it. Results are what’s important, not how they go about doing it. Allow them to put their own personal stamp on it.

Copyright 2016 (c) Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Not to be reproduced without permission. To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you and your organization visit https://briansmithpld.com

Everyone You Meet is Somebody’s Somebody

Coaching, Enduring Principles, Ethics, Mentorship, Personal Development, Personal Values, Teacher • Tags: , , , ,

secret 5Every Friday night is date night with my 5-year-old grandchild. It’s our time to hang out and do what ever she wants to do. We usually start out at her favorite eatery and end up at the local toy store. I cherish the time we get to spend together. We where enjoying a fun moment when she playfully grabbed my hat and put it on. “Hey Poppa” she said – “I’m you and you are Mr. No Buddy”. It came as a shock to me because I’d never heard her say that before. I knew she was just repeating what she had heard at school. She didn’t realize how hurtful that saying can be.

Children are sponges. They soak up everything they see and hear. They are a reflection of the environment around them. Adults, especially parents, need to be mindful of the lessons they are teaching their children. Children aren’t born bullies. They learn that from others. Children aren’t born haters. They learn that from others. Children aren’t born racists. They learn that from others. You are the greatest influence in your child’s life. They take their lead from you.

What lessons are you teaching your child? Are you teaching them to be tolerant, compassionate and respectful of others?  Do they know what it means to be a good citizen, to be kind to others and lead by example? Do they know that everyone you meet is somebody’s somebody? You have a very important job to do. I hope you are up for the task. The next generation of parents are counting on you.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Not to be reproduced without permission.  Brian is available for key note speeches or conducting workshops on a variety of soft-skills topics. To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you and your organization visit http://briansmithpld.com

Trust Me – If I Can Do it – Anyone Can

Coaching, Personal Development, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training • Tags: , , , , , , , ,

secret 4When you change the habit – you change the result. I know sometimes that’s  a lot easier said then done, but it can be done. You just need to want it bad enough to motivate yourself to make those changes. Trust me – if I can do it – anyone can. You are the only one who can change you. No one else can make you do something that you don’t really want to do.

Worth Remembering … “Once the “what” has been decided – the “how” will reveal itself”

What needs to change for you to reach your goals? For you to realize your full potential? Do you need to change what and when you eat so you can lose weight? Commit to an exercise routine so you feel better and look better? Do you need to open up a separate savings account and religiously deposit as little as 5% of your weekly pay cheque so you can afford to take the next big step and start your own small business? What’s your WIIFM?

Worth Remembering … “It is only when a person has their own generator that we can talk about motivation. He needs no outside stimulation. He wants to do it” – Frederick Herzberg

People are motivated to act a certain way to get a certain result. Needs plus goal directed behavior equals your payoff – your WIIFM. (What’s in it for me). If I have to do this to get that – and that is important to me – then I will do this to get that. Motivation is inside out – never outside in. You need to be convinced that there is a WIIFM in it for you or you won’t bother to make the effort.

Worth Remembering … “Think it, Act it, Become it. When you change the habit you change the result”

One of my goals for this year is to play better golf. I’m smart enough to know that I won’t get better by myself. The only way I’m going to get better is to work with someone who is better at it then me – to work with a coach. I signed up for winter golf school. So far I’ve changed my grip, stance and swing pattern. Has it been easy? Not a chance. Changing the way you do things to get a better result takes patience, committment and hard work. I know that things won’t get better until I do. I know I need to change the habit to change the result. What’s your WIIFM? What are you willing to change to get a better result? Trust me – if I can do it anyone can.

Copyright (c) 2015. Brian Smith – Reformed Control Freak. Are you – or someone you know – looking for a speaker or workshop facilitator who can entertain and inform on a variety of soft-skills topics? Give Brian a call. He’ll work with you one-on-one to insure your event is a overwelming success. To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you and your organization visit http://briansmithpld.com