Tag Archives: Relationships

When Did Empathy Become a Bad Thing

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Management Training, Mentorship, Personal Development, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized • Tags: , , , ,

If you look up empathy in the dictionary, it means being aware of and sharing another person’s feelings, experiences, and emotions. Empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, and being sensitive to the feelings and thoughts fully communicated in an objectively clear manner, thereby vicariously experiencing them. Why is trying to see things from another person’s point of view considered taboo? When did empathy become a bad thing?

We have two ears but only one mouth. Some people suggest that it is because we should spend twice as much time listening as talking. Others suggest it’s because listening, really listening to what is being said, is twice as hard. – Dr. Ralph Nichols.

There is a big difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is that you heard something – listening is that you understood what you heard. Having the ability to really listen to someone is an acquired skill. We are not ‘wired’ to be a good listener. A recent survey revealed that individuals listen about 25 percent of the time, most people only recall 50 percent of what they hear, and 70 percent of all misunderstandings occur because people don’t truly listen to each other. The good news is we can learn to be good listeners.

In the industrial age, the CEO sat at the top of the hierarchy and didn’t have to listen to anybody. However, in the information age, you have to listen to the ideas of people, regardless of gender, generation or position within the organization. – John Scully.

To become a great listener, master these three key listener skills.

1 – Pay attention. Give the speaker your undivided attention. Do not interrupt.

2 – Paraphrase what the speaker said so they know you understood their point of view. If need be, ask open-ended questions for clarity.

3 – Pause and reflect on what was said. Do not become emotional.; respond respectfully in a professional manner. Remember Covey – ‘I listen to understand, not necessarily to agree. We are adults and we can agree to disagree.’

Always keep this in mind. Active listening, receiving the message as it was intended, is as essential to effective communication as speaking. You won’t learn a thing if you keep talking. Pay attention – paraphrase what the speaker said – pause and reflect before responding respectfully and professionally. When did empathy become a bad thing?

Copyright 2025. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. Not to be reproduced without permission. Are you searching for a keynote speaker for your next event, or planning a training session at your location? Brian specializes in soft skills training and leadership development. He works with people who want to learn how to communicate and interact more effectively, resolve conflicts, build collaborative teams or motivate others to perform at their best.

Don’t Let Difficult People Sabotage Your Career

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Dealing with Difficult People, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Management Training, Personal Development, Personality Types, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized • Tags: ,

Have you ever met someone for the first time and thought, Oh, yuck – what a dink? And I don’t mean Double Income No Kids. You didn’t know why; you just felt there was something about them that you didn’t like. But after spending time with them and getting to know them better, you changed your mind. Establishing a rapport and building a relationship with the people you work with and interact with is crucial to your success as a team member, manager or leader. You don’t have to socialize with everyone you work with, but you must learn how to get along with them. Don’t let difficult people sabotage your career.

Your ability to get along with others, will determine your happiness and success as much as any other factor. – Brian Tracy.

People tend to work more effectively with those they like. The 3-Rs – Rapport, Relationship, Respect will help you establish those all-important connections.

Step One – Rapport. Try to learn something about the people you work with, beyond their job responsibilities. Do they have any hobbies? What do they like to do in their spare time? To establish a rapport, you need to engage in a friendly conversation on a topic that interests them. Idle chit-chat is essential to establishing rapport.

Step Two – Relationship. Once you have established a rapport, the next step is to build a relationship. Successful salespeople recognize the importance of cultivating strong relationships with their clients. People like to do business with people they like. The same holds true for the people who work with you. They prefer to work with someone they like.

Step Three – Respect. You won’t respect anyone you haven’t built a relationship with. Mutual respect evolves. But you have to give it to get it. Being a good team member, manager, or leader isn’t about being popular, although that doesn’t hurt. If I had to choose between being liked or respected, I would choose respect. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions that may not be popular with everyone. They may disagree with the decision you made, but they will still respect you.

Unity is strength. With teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved. – Mattie Stepanek.

You have to go along to get along. However, you must also recognize that the strength of the team is comprised of individuals with diverse perspectives and personalities. Don’t expect others to be just like you. Not everyone cares as much as you care. Not everyone is as committed as you are. Not everyone has the same career aspirations as you do. Some people choose not to lead, but they do choose who they want to follow. Build those all-important relationships. Don’t let difficult people sabotage your career.

Copyright 2025. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. Not to be reproduced without permission. Are you searching for a keynote speaker for your next event or planning a training session at your location? Brian works with people who want to learn how to communicate and interact more effectively, build collaborative teams, resolve conflict or motivate others to perform at their best. Contact Brian to discover how he can assist you and your team.

Me Thinketh a Monologue Doth Not a Dialogue Maketh

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Management Training, Mentorship, Personal Development, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized • Tags: , , , ,

Communication isn’t just something – it’s everything. I can’t think of a more valuable skill than communicating effectively. However, communication is a two-way street. It’s an exchange of thoughts and ideas amongst one or more persons. Me thinketh a monologue doth not a dialogue maketh.

I know you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. – Alan Greenspan.

It takes a great deal of effort on both the sender’s and receiver’s part to ensure the message has been sent, received, and, most importantly, understood. I haven’t even mentioned yet how each generation and gender communicate differently. Sometimes, they are not on the same wavelength. When you add that to the mix, it’s no wonder communication can break down.

A study on gender differences by Professor Deborah Frances Tannen of Georgetown University and Professor Julia Wood of the University of North Carolina noted that;

  • Women are more inclined to face each other and make eye contact when talking, while men are more likely to look away.
  • Men tend to jump from topic to topic, but women talk at length about one topic at a time.
  • Women are inclined to express agreement and support, while men are inclined to debate.
  • Women see communication as a way to connect and build relationships, while men see it as a way to accomplish an objective.
  • Women seek out and welcome relationships, while men think relationships will jeopardize their independence.

Avoid fight or flight; always talk through your differences. – Stephen Covey.

We aren’t born great communicators. It is a learned behaviour. Here are some tips to help you communicate more effectively.

  • Ask open-ended questions for clarity to promote dialogue to ensure they have received the message.
  • Listen twice as much as you talk. You won’t learn anything if you keep talking.
  • Be more intuitive to non-verbal cues to check for points of disagreement or misunderstanding. Based on the work of Dr. Ralph Nichols, we communicate 55 percent of the time using body language alone.
  • When giving instructions, be direct and to the point. Too much information tends to overwhelm the receiver.

If the essence of communication is sending and receiving the message as intended, you must remember that you are not the most important person in the conversation. Me thinketh a monologue doth not a dialogue maketh.

Copyright 2025. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. Not to be reproduced without permission. Are you searching for a keynote speaker for your next event or planning an in-house training session. Contact Brian to learn what he can do for you, your team and your organization. Brian’s training programs include individual coaching at no extra cost.

Have You Ever Licked a 9volt Battery?

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Leadership Development, Management, Mentorship, Personal Development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Uncategorized • Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

pexels-photo-67102.jpegHave you ever licked a 9-volt battery? (I’m not suggesting that you do – I’m just asking if you have). When adults do something that makes them feel good – that gets them excited – what are they more apt to do? If you licked a 9-volt battery and you liked that sensation – then more than likely you’d lick it again. I believe the key to motivating someone is to figure out what turns their crank – figure out what they are looking to get out of the deal. People do things for their own reason – not yours.  All you have to do is figure out what’s in it for them and use that to get them to do what you need to get done.

#Worth Remembering – It’s only when a person has their own generator that we can talk about motivation. They need no outside stimulation. – Frederick Herzberg 

What motivates you to do what you do? I believe everyone can be motivated. I’m certain of that. But not everyone is motivated by the same thing – or in the same way. Some people are motivated by money. Some people are motivated by a fancy job title or that premier parking spot. You need to create an environment where people will want to motivate themselves. Trust me – if you have the means to help them get what’s in it for them – then you have their attention. If you don’t – they won’t be motivated enough to try.

#Worth Remembering – Smith’s Motivation Equation: Personal Want + Goal-Directed Behaviour = What’s in for me. People will act in a way that will get them what they want. 

If you can’t find a way to motivate others, you can’t lead. Motivation is inside out – never outside in. Most people are self-serving and will only do something if they are going to get something out of the deal. Even someone who volunteers their time and energy is getting something from it or they wouldn’t keep volunteering. The next time you need to motivate someone to do what needs to be done – try the carrot, what’s in it for them, instead of using the stick approach. Trust me – it works every time. It’s like licking a 9-volt battery.

Copyright (c) 2018. Brian Smith-PLD. Not to be reproduced without permission. Brian’s available for keynote speeches or facilitating workshops on a variety of soft-skills topics.  To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you and your organization visit: https://briansmithpld.com