June 21, 2020

Are You Asking The Right Type of Question?

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Customer Service, Dealing with Difficult People, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Mentorship, Networking, Personal Development, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Soft-Skills Training, Teacher, Uncategorized

Are you looking for answers? Not getting the answers you are looking for? Maybe it’s because you aren’t asking the right type of question. If you learn to ask the right type of questions and listen, really listen to the answers, chances are others will tell you everything you need to hear.

Worth Remembering ... “I listen to understand – not necessarily to agree” – Dale Carnegie

Depending on what you want to know, you have four basic types of questions that you can ask.

Open Ended Questions – If you are wanting to promote dialoge then you need to ask an open ended question. Ask a question that requires more than a one word answer from the other person. – Example: “What kind of options are you looking for?”

Closed Questions – When a one word answer will do. A closed question gives the person limited options as to how to respond to your question. – Example: “What colour?”

Clarifying Questions – A non-judgemental question when you want to verify what was said. – Example: “So if I heard you correctly you said …..”

Problem Solving Questions – Sakichi Toyoda, the Japanese Industrialist, inventor, and founder of Toyota Industries, developed the 5 Whys technique. If you are looking to solve a problem try asking “Why”until you discover what problem, or problems need to be solved before you get the desired results. Some solutions may be simple, while others may be more complex. You might uncover more problems then you think you had. – Example: “The shipment didn’t get delivered on time – Why?”

Worth Remembering … “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” – Robert McCloskey

Are you asking the right type of question?

Copyright (c) 2020. Brian Smith – Power Link Dynamics. Not to be reproduced without permission. To find out more about Brian and what he can do for you and your organization visit: https://briansmithpld.com

June 8, 2020

Avoidance Is Not Conflict Resolution

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Dealing with Difficult People, Entrepreneurship, Leadership Development, Management, Mentorship, Personal Development, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Teacher, Uncategorized

You can’t ignore a conflict in hopes that it will go away. Avoidance is not conflict resolution. Conflict and disagreements are unavoidable. Whenever you have more than one person in the room you’re going to have some type of conflict or disagreement. Two people can’t be expected to agree on everything. When dealt with in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for both parties to grow.

Worth Remembering … “Problem solving is a having the ability to directly and positively face and resolve difficult situations.”

If you are going to resolve it, you must first understand what caused it. Was it competitive feelings, personal jealousy or resentment, the desire to sabotage someone else’s idea, dissension caused by poor listening skills, lack of good communication skills or a lack of trust? Remember – avoidance is not conflict resolution. It is not going to go away by walking away. You need to deal with it.

Here are five things you can do to resolve conflict.

1 – Provide more information to make discussions productive rather than contentious. Lack of information or not the right information could be the reason behind the conflict.

2 – Ask for solutions. I would never let anyone come to me with a problem and not ask them what would they do to resolve it. If their solution sounds reasonable, and is doable, then go with it.

3 – Establish common goals, In the big scheme of things the differences may not be too far apart. You may discover you both want much of the same thing.

4 – Managing your emotions and keeping your ego in check is key to resolving conflict. Make saving the relationship your number one priority.

5 – Do not force a consensus. Develop a plan of action that is right for both parties. Something that you can both live with. Learn to pick your battles. Sometimes the conflict is not worth damaging or destroying a relationship.

Worth Remembering … ” An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” – Mahatma Gandhi

My final thought on resolving conflict. We are emotional beings, and sometimes we say things in the heat of the conflict that we wish we could take back. Words are powerful. They can leave an invisible scar. We can use them to build people up or tear them down. Choose your words wisely.

May 18, 2020

Is Your Cup Half Full or Half Empty?

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Personal Development, Personality Types, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Teacher, Uncategorized

“For myself – I am an optimist. It does not seem to be much use being anything else”. Churchill was right. Do you walk around thinking that your cup is half-full or half-empty? I choose to see my cup as half-full. I choose to see the positives in everything that happens to me because I believe that everything that happens to me is a learning opportunity. Even the negative things that happen to you, and trust me there will be plenty of them, are really positive ones if you learn to look at them from a different point of view.

Worth Remembering … “The bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn.” – Amanda Curtis Kane

Attitude – your attitude is a matter of choice. You own it 100% of the time. Only you get to decide how you want to react to any given situation. You are the boss of you. You can choose to look at the negative things that will happen to you and wallow down in the muck or you can choose to learn from them and grow. You can choose to learn the lessons the negatives are trying to teach you and move forward. You always have a choice.

Worth Remembering … “Between stimulus and response there is a space. And in that space lie our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices, lie our growth and happiness.” – Stephen R. Covey

Viktor Frankl understood the power to choose. Viktor understood that no one else but he could decide how he should react to any given situation. Viktor was an Austrian born Neurologist and Psychiatrist who was best known for founding a theory he named Logotherapy that is used when working with people who are contemplating suicide. During WWII the Nazi’s had taken away all that was dear to him. He lost his prized manuscripts, his loving parents and siblings. Viktor had a choice to make. He knew he had no control over what they had done to him and his family, but he could control how he choose to react to it. Like Viktor, we all have a choice. We can choose to find the positives in the negatives.

Worth Remembering … “When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound. Rebuild those plans and set sail once more towards your goal.” – Napoleon Hill

Having a relationship with my son was and still is very important to me. But in order to have a relationship with my son I needed to have a relationship with his mother, my soon to be ex-wife. I had a choice to make. I could choose to be confrontational and drag out the divorce proceedings or I could choose to negotiate a settlement that we both could agree on. I choose to negotiate a fair settlement.

Is your cup half-full or half-empty?

May 9, 2020

Sometimes It’s Best to Park Your Ego at The Door

brian smith-pld, Coaching, Leadership Development, Management, Personal Development, Personality Types, Professional development, Reformed Control Freak, Self-Help, Teacher, Uncategorized

You and I both know there are a number of ways to accomplish the same thing. Does it really have to be your way? You’re in charge. You’re going to get the credit. However, the more that you allow others to be involved in the process, the more likely it is that they will be interested in the results. Don’t let your ego get in the way of doing the kinds of things you need to do to get others to buy in to what you want to get done.

Worth Remembering … “Drop the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. The world would go on even without you. Don’t take yourself too seriously. ” – Norman Vincent Peale

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s important to have a healthy ego. Trust me, I have enough ego to fill up any room I walk into. My ego has never been in short supply.. But remember that a strength overused, or used in the wrong situation, can become a weakness. It’s like stress. A little stress in your life is not necessarily a bad thing. Without a little stress in our lives we’d turn into couch potatoes and would never get motivated enough to want to do anything.

Worth Remembering … “Bury your ego. Don’t be the star. Be the star maker.” – Bud Hadfield

A little ego gives us enough self-confidence in our own abilities to step up and take on certain tasks or play a certain role. If you have too much ego you may volunteer to take something on but then have too much pride to admit you’re in over your head and ask for help if things go wrong. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Having some humility and admitting you made a mistake is a sign of strength. Sometimes it’s best to park your ego at the door.