Nature vs. Nurture – Does it Really Matter?

You’ve heard it said thousands of times. It’s nature over nurture. But – after the final analysis – does it really matter? You may have been born a certain style – but I’m convinced you don’t have to end up that way. Dr. Phil suggests that your past behavior is a great predictor or indicator of your future behavior – which is true – unless – and it’s a big unless – you change the here and now. You can rewire your brain. You can learn to “behave” a different way.

Worth Remembering … “Whatever the circumstances of your life, the understanding of type can make your perceptions clearer, your judgement sounder, and your life closer to your heart’s desire” – Isabel Briggs Myers – MBTI

Are we creatures of habit? Do we get accustomed to doing things a certain way – natures way – and generally stick with what we know? However, if we discovered a different way of doing something and decided to change how we where doing it to get a different result – a better result – could we do it? The answer to both questions is yes. (It’s nature vs. nurture) The greatest discovery of human nature is that we have the ability to change. We have the ability to change the way we do things in order to get a different result.  We can develop new habits. (Just stop doing one thing – and start doing another – and if we do it often enough – it will become us)

Worth Remembering … “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves” – Carl Jung.

Understanding yourself well – and studying the behavior of others allows you to improve your performance in relationships, both at work and at home. Results of a study conducted by the HayGroup, a leading authority on emotional intelligence, revealed that sixty-seven per cent (67%) of the competencies needed to communicate and interact more effectively with others is emotionally based. You can learn to communicate better, listen more intently, be empathetic, patient, flexible and open-minded. You can learn to manage your time more effectively, to deal with difficult people and challenging situations better. You can become a different and better version of yourself.

Worth Remembering … “The more you keep doing what you’re doing – the more you’ll get of what you got. When you change the behavior – you change the result”

I know from my own experiences that changing habits is not easy to do. But you can do it – it just depends on how willing you are to change. The canned phrase “I can’t help it – this is just the way I am” no longer cuts it. You are the way you are because either you like being that way – or – you aren’t willing to change. (Which one is it?) The truth of the matter is that you aren’t willing to put in the time and effort that it will take to change. But if you are convinced that you need to change. That you need to learn how to get along with people, to become a better listener and communicator – to be more patient – to control your temper – then you will learn how. You will do what ever it takes and take as much time as it takes to develop better habits and get better results. Any time is a good time to start a new beginning. So why not now? Nature vs. Nurture doesn’t really matter because you are the boss of you.  🙂

Copyright (c) 2012. Brian Smith – May not be reproduced without written permission. – briansmithpld@gmail.com

Life Lessons – Slow Down But Hurry Up

Most of us seem to be in such a hurry to get to where we think we need to be – that we miss a great deal along the way. You have 168 hours in the course of a week – no more – or no less. Are you accomplishing all you set out to do? We all face the daily dilemma of having too much to do and not enough time to do it. The problem is not that you have too much to do – the problem is you are trying to do too much. The secret to good time management is good self-management. Time is not spinning out of control – we are out of control. Good self-management is about deciding and choosing how we are going to spend our time and on what. Make sure you are spending it on those things that are most important to you.

Worth Remembering … “Besides the noble are of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists of eliminating the non-essentials” – Chinese Proverb 

If you where to write down the 3 most important things in your life – what would you jot down on your list? Of those 3 things that you’ve written down – how much time out of those 168 hours do you spend on each one? Where did you put yourself on that list? If you aren’t number one – you need to rethink that. I want you to think carefully about what priorities mean to you and about how you decide what is really important. Remember, you will never have enough time to accomplish everything on your list. You will never have enough time in the course of a day, week, month or year to stroke the last item off your list. But you do have the time to do what is important to you first.

Worth Remembering … “Just because something is urgent doesn’t mean it’s important. What we need is the wisdom, courage, and discipline to do the important things first.” – Stephen Covey

We all seek a balance in our lives. Pretend for a moment that you are juggling six rocks: Health, Wealth, Relationships, Volunteerism, Career and Hobby. Each rock is important to our well-being. Some rocks may be more important than others at times but the secret to a balanced life-style is to make sure we spend some of our time nurturing each rock. You can’t spend too much time on one rock at the expense of ignoring another because that may have a negative impact on you in the future. Your challenge is to schedule your time effectively in order to spend some of your time on each rock. You don’t need to spend an equal amount of time on each rock but you do need to spend some time on each every week. (Remember you only have 168 hours so spend it wisely)

Worth Remembering … “The more we believe we can control, the more we will try to control, and the more we will control” – Author Unknown. 

Urgent things like wealth, career and relationships have short-term consequences. They may or may not relate to your long-term goals, but urgent things demand your immediate attention. (Play the “what-if” game and if the consequence of not doing something is too great – then you’ve identified an urgent thing) It’s urgent you have a job so you have enough money coming in to pay the bills, keep food on your table and a roof over your head. However, you can’t ignore an urgent thing at the expense of something that is important like health, volunteerism and hobbies. Good self-management is finding a balance between important and urgent things. Good self-management is making sure we schedule time for both. 🙂

Copyright (c) 2012 Brian Smith – Not to be copied or reproduced without written permission. http://briansmithpld.com

Get FOCUSED – 7 Key Steps to Becoming The Person You’d Rather Be 4

Everything we choose to do alters our brain and it fundamentally changes who we are, a process that continues until we die. Dr. Richard Restak – clinical professor of neurology at George Washington’s University Medical Center and author of “Mozart’s Brain and the Fighter Pilot: Unleashing Your Brain’s Potential” – believes that the human brain has the ability to reprogram itself. All the new research on the brain suggests that no matter how old you are, it’s never too late to change your brain for the better. Adults can learn new things given the right set of circumstance and in an environment that is conducive to learning. The point I’m trying to make here is that if you aren’t happy with your lot in life – if you aren’t happy with the cards you’ve been dealt – you have the power within you to pick up your chips and sit in on a whole new game. How bad do you want it? How willing are you to change? Motivation is inside out – never outside in. Are you ready to get FOCUSED?

 The Seven Key Steps to Becoming The Person You’d Rather Be.

Friendly: How likable are you? How much fun are you to be around? If you get invited to a house party or social event do you approach people you’ve never met – introduce yourself and strike up a conversation or do you huddle in a corner hoping someone will notice you and venture over to say hello? You don’t need to be the centre of attention but you do need to mingle and become part of the conversation. Success in any under taking is more about who you know – not what you know that matters most. Someone knows someone who knows someone who is looking to hire someone with your talents. You need to learn to be an effective networker and network like crazy. Join a service club – volunteer – and expand your circle of influence. We all like to be liked – it’s a basic human need.

Organized: Time management is life management. How you manage your time is how you manage your life. You have 168 hours in the course of a week – no more – or no less. Your time is not a renewable resource. You can’t make time – you can only learn how to spend your time more wisely. Take the time to make sure you are allocating your time to those things that are most important to you. Your life is a planned event. Where would you rather be in 12, 18 or 24 months from now? What new skills will you have to learn to get there? What pieces of the puzzle still need to fall into place for you to accomplish your goal?

Confident: What you think of yourself and say to yourself on the inside is reflected in the way you act and are seen by others on the outside. If you don’t believe in yourself – then others won’t either. We all feel insecure and unsure of ourselves from time to time. We all have self-doubt – especially if we are doing something for the very first time. You are whoever you think you are – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you can or can’t – you’re right. If you are physically and mentally capable of becoming the person you’d rather be – then the only person who is getting in your way – is you. You need to get out of your own way. There are a number of great books on how to develop your self-esteem. It starts with your internal dialogue. One of my favorites is “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem’ by Nathaniel Branden PhD.

Understanding: Empathy – the ability to see something from another person’s point of view. It is to emotionally put yourself in the place of another. Empathy, understanding and compassion are closely related to one another. Daniel Goleman in his ground breaking book “Working with Emotional Intelligence” suggests that EQ – the ability to communicate and interact more effectively with others which is often referred to as soft-skills – is more important than IQ. For the most part and for most careers – intelligence is highly overrated. You don’t need to be the smartest person in the room to be the most successful person in the room. What you do need is the ability to connect with people on an emotional level. Some people are better at it then others – but it can be learned.

Sincere: It’s not what you say that matters most – it’s how you go about doing it that others will remember. If you treat others with the very best of intentions – then it will come through in the way that you treat them.  If you were to sit down and write your personal code of conduct what kinds of things would you put on that list? What set of values do you hold to be true and you aren’t willing to compromise them no matter the situation – no matter the consequences? Always be true to yourself.

Energized: What are you really passionate about? What really turns your crank? If you could pick the ideal career for you – the one that most suites your talents – what would it be? Do you love to sing – write – work with the less fortunate – play sports – dance – sell products or provide a service? Play to your strengths – do what makes you happy – do what you were meant to do. If you do what you love to do – all the other things like food, a home, money, family and friends – will fall in line.

Determined: Think Big – Dream Bigger. Attitude – your attitude is 100% in your control. Only you get to decide how you want to react in any given situation. There will be missteps along the way. You will make mistakes – there will be barriers to go around and you’ll need to navigate the odd detour along the way. But, keep moving forward – one step at a time. And never, ever give up on your dream. The words coulda, shoulda, woulda should not be part of your vocabulary.

Copyright (C) 2012. Brian Smith. Not to be reproduced or copied without written permission. Exerts of this article were taken from Brian Smith’s soon-to-be-published book – “Get-A-Grip – Wishing and Hoping Won’t Make it Happen

Building Bridges Across The Generational Divide

Our increasingly diverse society is reflected in our growing workforce. For the first time in our lifetime we have the potential of working with four different generations in the same workplace. Each generation communicates, interacts with others and is motivated by a different set of values. As this dramatic shift continues, organizations large and small must continue to strive to help all employees embrace and capitalize on their differences. They need to view diversity as an organizational strength not a weakness.

“Building Bridges Across The Generational Divide – How to Develop a Collaborative & Cohesive Diverse Team” – November 21 – Upper Ottawa Valley Chamber of Commerce. In this session – led by behaviorist Brian Smith – a leading authority on soft-skills training and leadership development – you will explore ideas and innovation to help tackle those differences, and create healthy and productive interactions in the workplace. This presentation provides valuable insight into how to build a collaborative and cohesive diverse team.

If you or members of your team are wanting to learn how to communicate and interact more effectively with others, resolve conflict , solve problems and deal with difficult people and challenging situations – then this workshop is for you. Contact Lorraine MacKenzie, CSP to register for this event. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed. UOV Chamber 613.732.1492 – Email: manager@uovchamber.com – I hope to see you there 🙂